how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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