This is not my ceiling
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
