Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
