Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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