Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
