i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
