butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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