she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
