1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
