ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
