when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
