Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
