Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
