I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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