My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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