you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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