ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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