2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
