xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
