she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
