There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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