Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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