Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
