Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
