capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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