Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
