After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
