k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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