My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
