im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
