We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
