life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We smell like vodka and hangover
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
