I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
