well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
