her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
