Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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