i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
