He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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