The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
