i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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