Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize