dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
