he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
