my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
