fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize