she was so not down for the gang bang
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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