I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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