Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
