I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
