I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
