and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
