YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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