We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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