How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
