I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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