I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
