if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
