I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
