i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
