i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
