Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
