oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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