unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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