i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
