also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
