Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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