There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
