Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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