remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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