Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
