I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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