he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
