dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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