i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize