I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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