a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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