I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
