so that wasnt chicken after all
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
