the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
