My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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