It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
