you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
