Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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