if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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