So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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