theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
