i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
