Whod you bang
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Of course I have a pirate flag
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
