Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
