For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
