you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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