My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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