how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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