He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize