CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
