i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
