he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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