I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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