I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize