tell your sister to shave her snatch
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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