I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
