Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
