i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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