WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
