i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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