You can't motorboat a personality
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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