I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
