Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
